This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
