So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
