I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
