Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
