Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
They took my balls.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
