Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I am mentally ready for anal.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
