Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
