If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
