my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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