i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
