Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
