At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
