whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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