Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
