I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
