What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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