Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
