Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she peed on how many people?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
