So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
