I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
