I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
