She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
ugly people sure do ruin things
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
