sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
