woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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