Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
