He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
