That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
