ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
