You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
