You really coming over, don't trick.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
