I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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