I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
