Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
