he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
