woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
People in love make me want to vomit
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
There are leaves in my underwear?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
