you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
