got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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