dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
