i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
