im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
So squirting runs in the family.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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