I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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