I think my vagina is haunted
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
