The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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