You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
