dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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