I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
