Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
