i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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