my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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