i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
