I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
