When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
