I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
