In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I think i got beer on your cat.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
