Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize