Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
